Butterflies

My stomach is full of nervous butterflies right now, even though the main reason for them is nearly a week away. I can't get them to stop, nor can I concentrate on anything other than tomorrow morning and early next week. Being a mom is just as stressful as I imagined, but I still wasn't truly prepared for it.

Tomorrow morning we have a meeting with the early intervention people about Gabbie's hips. I don't think I wrote about it, but at her six week appointment with the orthopedic doctor he said that her left hip still wasn't in place well enough and so we've had an extra six weeks with the harness. It hasn't been nearly as difficult as I'd imagined when we first got the news, but it's still not the easiest thing in the world and has caused a lot of worry. Our pediatrician hooked us up with the early intervention program because her hip dysplasia automatically makes her eligible for services as she may be at risk of a walking delay or other related problems. I'm nervous about what I'll hear from them tomorrow, about all the possibilities of things that could go wrong with my little angel. As I'm sure is true of all moms, I would do anything to make her one hundred percent better, would give anything to make sure she didn't have any problems, even though I know that the problems will exist no matter what I do.

We also have an appointment with a lactation consultant to talk about the nursing issues. At 12 weeks it shouldn't be this hard, and it's breaking my heart.

But next Tuesday. That's the thing that has both Aaron and I experiencing raw, exposed nerves (which we're using to snap at one another, a bad habit we need to work on). That's the day when we find out if she's made enough progress to come out of the brace. It's also the day that we could find out that the brace hasn't done enough. That we need to do something more drastic. Something that could entail casts from the waist down or even surgery. I'm trying to stay positive, but also realistic. Trying not to get my hopes up in case they're dashed to pieces. Trying to figure out how I'll make it through the appointment without sobbing if we receive bad news.

I just want her to be better.

This is going to be a long week.

3 comments:

Sizzle said...
August 20, 2008 at 11:27 AM

I hope things go well at the appointment. I can understand how stressful that must be!

Cassie said...
August 20, 2008 at 11:45 AM

I think my heart just broke a little bit for you, Jessie. I can't even imagine what you must be going through this week, and I hope things turn out as well as they possibly can. I'll get my hopes up FOR you, that way you can be the logical one! I'm sure everything will be just fine. Whatever happens, you and Aaron and little Gabbie are a strong enough family unit to make it through anything!

carrster said...
August 21, 2008 at 11:22 PM

Oh my gosh. I can't even imagine. I'm sending lots of positive happy vibes your way! Gabbie is a beautiful girl and I'm sure whatever comes her way you guys will kick a** all over. Here's hoping the braces did the trick!!

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