I've been thinking a lot about family lately, I think mostly because I'm trying to start one of my own, but also because of things that have happened to people around me. A few people I know are having their first babies after having previous miscarriages. A good friend is having her first baby next month, but after a pregnancy filled with worries. Another friend was half-way along and lost her baby. And yet another friend has her baby after trying for much longer than anyone our age expects to wait.

I've been thinking about my immediate family too. I have two parents who love each other but who are both fiercely independent, who are both scary-smart, and who are excellent role models. I have 2 siblings, a brother and a sister, who are excellent people, and whom I can't imagine life without. But our family almost wasn't made up like this.

My parents wanted three kids and then they were going to be done. About a year after my brother was born, my mom was pregnant again, and our family was about to be complete. Seventeen weeks into her pregnancy, she miscarried. We were all incredibly sad at the time, but looking back, if she hadn't had that miscarriage I likely wouldn't have my sister.

I know that's a weird way of looking at things, but I think that the way families end up are the way they are meant to be. I think that someone out there has a plan and that plan may not always be easy, but it ends up like it is supposed to.

I have to keep telling myself this, because it's hard to be patient when you're trying for a baby. Last night we were walking around downtown and we saw a young woman holding an impossibly small puppy. It was so cute neither Aaron nor I could barely stand it. Lately anything small and cute makes us long for a baby. We both looked at each other and said something along the lines of, "I'm ready for a baby."

It's going to be at least another month before that baby will be on the way, though. I know I don't have it hard, 3 months is barely any time to have to wait, but I'm having a hard time waiting patiently. So I have to keep telling myself - it will end up the way it's supposed to be. Our family will grow when it's meant to be. Why is that so hard to believe?

2 comments:

donna said...
August 10, 2007 at 10:01 AM

I think because we spend so much of our early adulthood trying NOT to get pregnant. And we hear "It only takes one time!" as a warning to be safe. So when we decide we actually want to, it seems like it should only take one time. Unfortunately, that's not really how easy it is for most.

L Sass said...
August 10, 2007 at 10:27 AM

I think miscarriages are far more common than we think they are. I know a fair number of young women who have had one. Unfortunately, it seems like a very lonely experience for many.

Hang in there with waiting--3 months does fly by and then it will be *your* turn.

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